Your mouth is God's brothel.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sext me about skeletons
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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