I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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