There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
