If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
