He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
