I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
