I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
