Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I am mentally ready for anal.
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