The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
