she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
