oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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