I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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