I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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