idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
