??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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