so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
