So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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