You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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