listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
