i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
