She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
