Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
