her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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