Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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