it wasn't lemon gatorade
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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