I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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