The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize