Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
