So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
high people should be assigned attendants
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
