Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
