Just cropdusted the office
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
