If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
