and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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