i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
