i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
