Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i would punch a child for taco bell
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
