I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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