Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize