I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
