I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize