Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
why is half of my head shaved?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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