Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
