He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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