This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize