I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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