You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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