you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
