This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
not ubering you a puppy
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
