your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
