her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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