Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
