Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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