He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
