I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
