I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize