Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
