I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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