dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
