I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize