I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
