Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
