Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
