I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
