Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
