I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
