What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
