we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
