I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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