Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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