I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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