Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
