They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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